Believe it or not, I’m actually afraid of my cell phone, but not for the same reasons characters in One Missed Call fear theirs. My concern -- no, not brain cancer either -- involves the difficulty I have using the darn thing. It’s so tiny and complicated for me! Now there’s a situation which might make a better movie than the plot of One Missed Call. On second thought, it would have to be a comedy, not a horror flick.

When I say “plot” in connection with this film, I’m using the term very loosely.  Incoherent to the max, the whole thing revolves around a series of missed cell phone calls from the future self of each listener. But that’s not all! The calls contain the last words of the listener right before his/her death as well as the day and time of the upcoming tragedy. Why and how are these victims selected?  Even if you haven’t seen One Missed Call, your guess is as good as mine. Although I stayed awake during the entire film, it’s still not clear to me. I do understand child abuse and ghostly figures have something to do with this ridiculous haunting set-up. But why, after realizing how deadly these calls can be, does every victim still insist on listening to them? Perhaps only the screenwriters know for sure.    

Granted, as in most horror movies, viewers get the chance to gasp at some gruesome images as well as jump a bit at scary sounds here. And I have no complaints about the performance of leading lady Shannyn Sossamon. As a potential victim who joins forces with a detective (Edward Burns) investigating the deaths, the lovely Sossamon (A Knight’s Tale) convinces us of her agonizing feelings over the terrible fate of her friends. Also on the plus side, One Missed Call opens with two suspenseful sequences, the first showing a blazing fire and the other a calm garden pool which soon becomes a watery grave. Unfortunately, most of what comes next fails to live up to the promise of those well-filmed segments.         

Remaking Japanese horror films seems to be quite the thing during the past couple of years, mostly because of the The Ring's success on this side of the pond. I haven’t seen the original One Missed Call (based on Chakushin ari, a novel by Yasushi Akimoto), but I’m fairly certain it doesn’t deserve this disappointing Hollywood treatment.

(Released by Warner Bros. Pictures  and rated "PG-13” for sequences of violence and terror, frightening images, some sexual material and thematic elements.)