The Nativity Story has at last bestowed upon moviegoers the actual meaning of Christmas: the idea that, well, Christ was born. But Unaccompanied Minors paints a more realistic picture of Hollywood's view of the holiday season: a time to shove out the same pandering, cinematic yule logs year after year. Indeed, Unaccompanied Minors is an amalgamation of just about every Christmas comedy from the past twenty years. It's a little bit Home Alone, a little bit Christmas Vacation, and a whole lot of humbug.

It's Christmas Eve, and due to a freak blizzard, a Midwest airport remains completely snowbound. This leaves a number of travelers grounded and their holiday plans momentarily crushed, including five kiddies who end up serving as our protagonists: somewhat-geeky Spencer (Dyllan Christopher), rich girl Grace (Gina Mantegna), tomboy Donna (Quinn Shephard), nerdy Charlie (Tyler James Williams), and obligatory fat kid Beef (Brett Kelly).

With Mother Nature keeping them from their families, and on Christmas Eve at that, these youngsters decide to spice up their holiday by escaping the concrete confines of the room for unaccompanied minors and wreaking mischief throughout the airport. However, local Scrooge/customer relations manager Oliver Porter (Lewis Black) is determined not to let the kids turn his airport into a zoo, although he finds himself as the butt of their hijinks on more than one occasion.

Unaccompanied Minors, surrounded in a hackneyed and predictable bubble, lets nary a hint of spark or  whimsy emerge. It's one of the sloppiest comedies in recent memory, so devoid of energy and joy that you'd think it was produced by the Grinch. This is a dry comedy cookie, slathered with the frosting of a cornball moral or two. 

Sadly, the way director Paul Feig (I Am David) tacks on a message about the importance of family and tries to evoke sympathy for the bratty main characters (who wonder why they're being punished when they're tearing up an airport) is definitely not commendable.  You know there's a problem when the movie's villain is the voice of reason.

Occasionally, Unaccompanied Minors does churn out an unexpected laugh or two. Kelly's silent giant of a preteen provides a good source of random humor, especially when he talks about how his mom's boyfriend thinks Christmas is "when Frosty the Snowman fights the Devil." But such moments are few and far between, and the other actors find themselves awash in a sea of sub-par material and forced slapstick. The worst casualty of all is Lewis Black, a truly hilarious guy who, with Accepted and Man of the Year under his belt, makes this one a mediocre comedy hat trick. 

Unaccompanied Minors is likely to entertain the little ones, and as a holiday farce, I admit to enjoying it more than Deck the Halls -- but this lackluster kiddie comedy will probably make a swift journey to the bargain bin at Wal-Mart.

MY RATING: * 1/2 (out of ****)

(Released by Warner Bros. Pictures and rated "PG" for mild rude humor and language.)