No cages this time, only 20,000 screams under the sea. In 47 Meters Down: Uncaged, sharks appear a little more photo realistic compared to the 2017 predecessor. Even the number of lasses in distress has doubled. This time, four friends don scuba gear to check out some cool Mayan catacombs. Both their air supplies and viewer patience run low as the screams begin.
Evidently, gifting director Johannes Roberts with two chum assignments was more than his talents could justify. He wastes twenty minutes at the start, padding out the who, what, where and why. Although his movie begins and ends in the water, someone should have stormed into that editing bay and pulled a Terminator on the ootage. Not that losing ten or fifteen minutes would make a difference. It's all nonsensical.
Meanwhile, the truly well-made shark movie genre boasts only two or three champions. Right at the top would be Steven Spielberg's Jaws, although its effects were trumped by Jaume Collet-Serra's The Shallows. Not much can compete with them. Sharknado? Hardly a guilty pleasure. Deep Blue Sea? Forget it. So where does that leave 47 Meters Down: Uncaged? Somewhere between the endless abyss and a spot covered in silt.
Actually, I heard rumours that there was a screaming fish, and it turned out to be the most cringe-worthy thing since Luis Llosa's Anaconda.
Now for a poem:
If I choose to unwind,
Not for a film where sharks are blind.
Don't know what they were selling
There was too much yelling.
"47 Meters Down: Uncaged" was flawed
An 80-minute splash which left me bored.
Not one girl was tough
They run out of air soon enough.
My feeling is they were late.
Simply shark bait.
An over-reliance on talk
More than "Jack and the Beanstalk."
Bubbles to the deep
What a waste, oh bleep!
(Released by Entertainment Studios Motion Pictures and rated "PG-13" by MPAA>)