That settles it. I'll never open a day care center. Not after seeing what Eddie Murphy and Jeff Garlin had to put up with while running their pre-school business in Daddy Day Care. I'll admit the kiddies are cute -- some even darling. But as funny as sugar highs, potty problems, and crying jags appear on the big screen, they would be way too much for me to handle.

Still, if forced to operate a day care center, I'd search high and low for someone like Martin, the character Steve Zahn plays here, to hire as my chief assistant. Martin bonds with the little ones right away. He captures their imagination by lining them up and teaching them some very weird exercises. He also puts on puppet shows, deciphers Klingon language, and knows instinctively what children enjoy. Zahn fits this role perfectly. His rapport with the youngsters seems quite genuine, just as it did in Happy Texas, a film about teaching pre-teen girls how to compete in beauty pageants. (I'll never forget the sight of Zahn in high heels demonstrating a "Miss America" walk to his eager students!)

Martin's behavior contrasts with the way Murphy and Garlin, who play fathers recently fired from the same company, have been dealing with their charges. Disappointed when their  business techniques -- focus groups, mission statements, etc. -- fail to work, they turn to drastic measures such as singing every song ever written and feeding the kiddies sugary junk food.

And who know competition in this field could be so fierce? Ms. Harridan (Anjelica Huston), the strict headmistress of another pre-school, resorts to underhanded tactics after Daddy Day Care Center starts taking students away from her rigid institution. Huston appears to relish this role, endowing Ms. Harridan with almost as much wickedness as the evil stepmother she played in Ever After. Can anyone look down their nose more snootily than this Oscar-winning actress (Prizzi's Honor)? Not in my book. 

Kudos to Murphy for standing back and letting fine supporting actors like Huston and Zahn get the most laughs. Although he's very sweet in scenes with his character's supportive wife (Regina King) and beguiling son (Khamani Griffin), Murphy adopts a more low-key approach than in his other comedies. Garlin comes closest to the Nutty Professor-type hilarity here, especially during his marathon songfest. However, I think stone-faced comedian Jonathan Katz, as a Children's Social Service Agent, has the funniest bit in this movie. His revealing psychodrama with Wrath of Kahn puppets still makes me smile just thinking about it.

So why isn't Daddy Day Care receiving rave reviews? Perhaps because some of the film's faults are hard to overlook. For example, initial day care licensing probably isn't as uncomplicated as the movie would have us believe, paying a child to stop crying is a no-no as a child-rearing technique, and physically taking children out of someone else's day care center would not be permitted in the real world.

Nevertheless, the movie is done in a funny, lighthearted manner -- and I appreciate its message about finding happiness by working with young children. I left the theater   with even more respect for day care workers everywhere.

(Released by Columbia Pictures/Revolution Studios and rated "PG" for language.)