Calling Uwe Boll a terrible filmmaker is like saying  the Pacific Ocean is too wet. Slamming his work has become a national pastime for movie buffs. Herr Boll's latest cinematic venture, In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale, thrusts Boll into ambitious fantasy territory, a la Lord of the Rings. Unfortunately, seeing this movie strive to achieve the sort of greatness that Peter Jackson's epic trilogy met is akin to watching a monkey tackle quantum physics.

In the land of Ehb, ruled by the noble King Konreid (Burt Reynolds), a man simply known as Farmer (Jason Statham) ekes out a low-key life with his lovely wife Solana (Claire Forlani) and son. But one day, a horde of monstrous creatures known as the Krug invade his village, slaughter his child, and kidnap his beloved spouse. Seeing Konreid's forces as ineffective, Farmer teams up with pals Norick (Ron Perlman) and Bastian (Will Sanderson) to track down and rescue Solana. Meanwhile, Gallian (Ray Liotta), an evil sorcerer in command of the Krug, is in the midst of using the creatures at his disposal in an attempt to overthrow Konreid, with the help of the king's weasely nephew Fallow (Matthew Lillard). It's not long before Farmer enters this royal fray, as the normally stoic man is eventually forced to fight not only for his wife but also to save Ehb itself from Gallian's encroaching forces of evil.

Boll could have left well enough alone and just let In the Name of the King, another film adaptation of a video game, disappear into the endless sea of other post-Lord of the Rings wannabes like it. But Boll seems determined to fail spectacularly, and thus the film goes from being a mediocre one to inciting fits of laughter on a consistent basis. The man seems even more full of himself here than usual, blissfully ignorant of the fact that every attempt to assert In the Name of the King as a rousing adventure only serves to enhance its sheer goofiness. The film also suffers from some of the worst editing in the history of film, making certain battle sequences almost  incomprehensible and abruptly cutting off moments of dialogue to hilarious effect.

Although the set design and costuming are actually pretty decent, it hardly makes a difference when the script fails so miserably in trying to paint an epic fantasy saga. The story is just too thin and convoluted to invest even a hint of time in, with a deluge of supporting characters left floundering around with half-developed backgrounds. Continuing in the tradition of Boll's previous picture BloodRayne, In the Name of the King features a cast so big, you might think Boll should be declared a saint, since getting this many people together with his reputation in mind looks like some sort of miracle. However, about a third of the actors fit in here about as well as Ann Coulter would at a Michael Moore retrospective. Burt Reynolds seems like he's having the worst time of his life; Liotta's villain is ridiculously ham-fister; and I couldn't even look at Lillard without wanting to sucker punch the guy for his awful acting. Still, action star Statham wields a mighty fine sword; Forlani and Leelee Sobieski provide some lovely eye candy; and the great John Rhys-Davies gives his all while trying to turn in a decent performance.  

To me, it seems quite fitting that In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale is based on a video game hardly anyone's heard of, at least in comparison to Boll's higher-profile movies like House of the Dead and Alone in the Dark. In the face of other, much more superior fantasy adventures, this one has about as much a chance of being remembered decades to come as Eragon does of being inducted into the AFI's Top 100 list.

MY RATING: * 1/2 (out of ****)

(Released by Freestyle Releasing and rated "PG-13" for intense battle sequences.)